Recently, I had an epiphany. I have had it with men.
Now, perhaps this is because I just went through a breakup six months ago, and any sight of testosterone makes me want to hurl my guts out. Nevertheless, I have tried to avoid anything remotely concerning dating, relationships, and men (gag) as soon as I was on my own.
Thus, I embraced the single life by spending copious amounts of time (and slurping down an ungodly amount of espresso martinis) with my friends. I also partook in all the girly activities (because feminism is the sole breakup antidote). This obviously included watching trashy reality television, exclusively playing Taylor Swift in my apartment and flipping through the pages of Cosmopolitan.
But, every time I tried to enjoy a new television series or scroll on TikTok, it felt like popular culture was rubbing it in my face that I was alone, curled up on my couch with nothing but my Trader Joe’s chocolate-covered pretzels and Barefoot Dreams blanket beside me. These days, the media and my conversations with other women almost certainly revolve around boyfriends, someone’s latest match on Hinge, and how to respond to a situationship’s text message.
I’m throwing in the towel. I’m done. Discussions of men have taken up too much of our time and heightened to a level of nausea. Women should be talking about their accomplishments, values and ideas instead of some loser frat boy who left you on read. Let’s remember the wise words of Miranda Hobbes from “Sex and the City” (played by Cynthia Nixon), who said the following — “How does it happen that four smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It’s like seventh grade with bank accounts. What about us? What we think, we feel, we know? Does it always have to be about them?”
I was so excited to download Sabrina Carpenter’s new album “Short n’ Sweet” upon its release on August 23. Sure, the silliness of her lyrics and easy pop beats (and occasional country twang) made my initial listening experience enjoyable. But all she sang about was her relationships and her new British boy toy. In her song “Bed Chem,” she sings, “Who’s the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?” Then in the track titled “Juno,” Carpenter says, “Hold me and explore me, I’m so f*ckin’ horny.” Sabrina, we all love you, but can you please write ballads about your besties instead of Shawn Mendes or Barry Keoghan? Even just a fun little bop about your perfectly blonde curls? Literally anything besides men.
The “Espresso” queen is not the only aspect of pop culture attempting to murder me with male content. The first half of season four of “Emily in Paris” dropped on Netflix on August 15. I have been a fan of the show since it first came out back in 2020. Berets, chocolate croissants, and beautiful shots of Claude Monet’s home in Giverny make the series an entertaining watch where I don’t have to stress my prefrontal cortex too much. But what has been the leading storyline for the show the entire time? Emily’s love life. Which hunky man will she end up with this season? Barf.
Also, just take a look at the headlines in pop culture publications — this influential couple filed for divorce, this football player cuddled on the beach with this singer, or this movie star was spotted holding hands with her co-star. Who cares? I mean I still do, because entertainment gossip is food for my soul, but c’mon, there are other stories out there!
Last summer centered more around girl power and the simple pleasure of camaraderie, with the release of the film “Barbie” and the beginning of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour. With arrays of Pepto-Bismol pink and too many friendship bracelets to keep track of, 2023 was the year of recognizing the strength women can gain when we are together — something that I think has fallen between the cracks now.
Look, I’m not trying to be the grinch who removed any signs of light and love. I take pleasure in a good Emily Henry book or Nora Ephron rom-com more than the next person. But I am also eager to see a world where women remove the rose-colored lenses surrounding relationships and instead focus on how badass they are without a man in their life. Peloton instructor Cody Rigsby, AKA the only man I can tolerate right now, says, “If you can’t love you, you’re never going to find a boo!” Flirtation, intimacy, and PDA can be a fun topic of conversation. But, please, I beg of you — it’s not the only vernacular out there.
In conclusion, let's ditch the guys. Chappell Roan says, “What we really need is a femininomenon,” and I couldn’t agree more.